


Falling In Love The Normal Way Is For Losers

by kythen



Category: Gintama
Genre: Humor, M/M, Maybe Romance, hopefully humour, just idiots being idiots
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-10
Updated: 2014-10-04
Packaged: 2018-02-04 04:12:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1764997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kythen/pseuds/kythen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(What they don't know is that they are in fact losers themselves.)</p><p>This starts off as a comedy more than a love story but maybe they'll get there someday.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

If ever asked to sum up the relationship between him and Hijikata, Gintoki wouldn’t be quite sure where to begin, but what he does know is that it's made up of a lot of ridiculous encounters that neither of them asked for and a whole lot of fighting. Sometimes, there is blood. Although, most of the time it just involves copious amounts of stupidity from both sides.

Their first meeting is a blur, where he is mistaken for part of Zura's group and ends up leaping out of a window to avoid blowing everybody up. Nobody dies in the process, but Gintoki's pretty sure that his hair would have gone white from the shock if it hadn't already been that colour.

Their second meeting has a more of a lasting impression, where Hijikata actually has a proper reason to try to kill him, even if it wasn't exactly legal. It ends with Hijikata losing, but Gintoki is the one who ends up in the hospital with stitches across his shoulder and without a pay check from the abandoned carpentry work. It is then that he decides that he doesn't like Hijikata very much.

That feeling of intense dislike only grows stronger during their third meeting which is purely coincidental and seriously annoying because everywhere Gintoki goes, he sees Hijikata there with his sour face and mayonnaise and needless to say the day doesn't end so well for the both of them. Although, the day doesn't actually end after they both get kicked out from the sauna for destroying property and injuring someone in the process. Despite leaving in completely opposite directions, they find themselves meeting again at a makeshift bar by the side of the road, where they trade similarly disgusted looks before grudgingly coming to a truce. A whole day's worth of fighting on a day off just isn't worth it after all. The awkward silence in the bar that follows isn't quite worth it either and so Gintoki tells himself to be the better man and try to make conversation.

But first, he downs a shot or two of sake before turning to Hijikata in forced amity. "So, what do you do for a living?"

He can see Hijikata seriously considering whether he should respond to a question as stupid as that, narrowing his eyes at him as he downs his own glass. Gintoki can't exactly fault him for that; if he were in his place, he wouldn't bother answering at all.

"I'm in the Shinsengumi." Hijikata finally answers while pouring himself more sake. Meanwhile, Gintoki is surprised that he actually received an answer and a serious one at that, which makes him consider that maybe he should concede the title of the better man amongst the two of them to Hijikata. He's not quite ready to admit that though, and he pushes on with making conversation, after topping up his empty cup with more sake. Somehow, he just doesn't feel like he'll ever be able to talk to Hijikata without being well and properly drunk.

Hijikata appears to feel the same way, if the way he empties the sake bottle into his own cup is any indication and Gintoki feels even more irked at discovering more evidence of their similarity. Nevertheless, he continues talking. "The Shinsengumi, huh. That must be tough. I'm working as a Yorozuya–"

"For god's sake, I know who you are so shut up already." Hijikata interrupts, glaring at him and Gintoki can feel his expression morphing into something similar.

"Wow, you do? I must be famous or something. Or could you possibly be a stalker?"

Hijikata literally winces at the word "stalker" and he buries his face in his hands, his words coming out in a long-suffering exhale, "Can we not talk about Kon– stalkers at the moment? I know you and you know me and we've tried to kill each other all day and this is my only day off  _in a very long while_ so could you, just, please shut up for a while?"

Gintoki thinks about saying no and saying something just for the sake on getting on Hijikata's nerves but then, against his own will, he actually complies and shuts up. Being in the Shinsengumi when your commander is a stalker gorilla and the people you work with are just a bunch of roughnecks definitely couldn't be an easy job. He hadn't noticed it before, but there is definitely something unhealthy in the way Hijikata always has a cigarette in his mouth every time they meet, the suffocating smell of smoke clinging thickly onto his clothes. When Hijikata finally lifts his face away from his hands, he can see the shadows under his eyes and the drawn, tired look set in his features, and can't help but feel a bit guilty for everything he put him through today.

Gintoki doesn't apologise, but he doesn't say anything else either for the rest of the night. The day ends for real with the both of them slipping out of the bar sometime after one in the morning, Gintoki headed back home and Hijikata back to the Shinsengumi headquarters, presumably.

Their fourth meeting is subdued in comparison to all their previous meetings and is dragged out for a period of time when a girl from Hijikata's hometown comes to visit. She is Okita's sister and she is lovely in all the ways her brother isn't and at the end of it all, she passes away like a flower that has weathered all the seasons, only to wither before the next spring comes. It devastates Okita and Gintoki can see the raw grief in his eyes as he cries for the loss of his beloved sister, who had brought him up from young at the expense of living her own life. His sorrow is echoed in the rest of the Shinsengumi members, standing sombrely outside her deathbed and watching as someone as strong as Okita breaks down in the face of losing someone he loved to death.

Gintoki is no stranger to expressions of grief but he is an outsider to this particular loss and so he excuses himself, climbing up to the roof with the plastic bag of spicy crackers he had bought for her. It is there that he meets Hijikata, when the other man walks through the roof door barely a minute after Gintoki finds himself a comfortable enough spot on the roof to contemplate this whole series of events and his fleeting encounter with one Okita Mitsuba. Hijikata heads straight for the edge of the roof, in the complete opposite direction from where Gintoki is and Gintoki feels as though he had just dodged a bullet.

He isn't privy to the events that occurred way before he had even encountered the Shinsengumi, but from the way Okita had talked about them and their brief encounter in front of her house, he could hazard a guess as to what had transpired between the both of them. Neither of them were to blame in whatever had happened, but only one of them had been left behind to shoulder the burden of what could have been. Following that line of thought, he wonders if Hijikata had actually been considering death when he had gone to face off a whole group of Joui patriots by himself, armed with nothing more than a sword and a bazooka and whatever else he could carry on his person. If the rest of the Shinsengumi hadn't gotten wind of the kind of kamikaze mission their Vice-Commander was up to, Hijikata could have very well ended up dead and gone without anyone knowing what had actually happened to him and that is a frightening thought.

Hijikata has been oddly quiet since he came up to the roof and suddenly seized by fear, Gintoki leans out to peek around the corner to check that the Vice-Commander of the Shinsengumi hadn't actually leapt off the edge of a hospital roof while he wasn't looking. He breathes a sigh of relief when he sees a brooding figure leaning against the railings along the edge of the roof. Hijikata looks worse for wear, with one arm up in a sling and his clothes stained with blood and grime. There's a pair of crutches resting against the railings beside him and Gintoki remembers that his leg had been bleeding sluggishly through his pants, a ragged hole through the black material marking the spot where a bullet had penetrated his leg. Considering how hard he had fought against the Joui and how he had still been alive and kicking when reinforcements had arrived, he probably had no thoughts of going down in that battle at all and had gone there thinking that he could actually wipe out every single one of them by himself. Now _that_ is a frightening thought and Gintoki finds his respect for him going up a notch. It was still a stupid thing to do, but ultimately Gintoki understands that he did it all to protect those that he cared about, which isn't all that much different from what he would have done.

The sound of crinkling comes from where Hijikata is and Gintoki looks down at his own bag of crackers as the sound of crunching resounds through the air.

"Shit, these are seriously spicy." he hears Hijikata mutter to himself, but his voice is awful and shaking and it's so obvious that he's crying even though he tries to cover it up. Nevertheless, Gintoki doesn't say anything about it as he opens his own bag of crackers and reaches for a cracker of his own.

The next time he meets Hijikata, he doesn't  _actually_ meet Hijikata but instead he meets the otaku spirit of a cursed sword Hijikata carries, also known as Tosshi. It's a surreal experience for everyone involved to see the infamous Demon Vice-Commander regressing into his more primal, otaku instincts. In fact, before Hijikata himself emerged to explain the whole situation to them, Gintoki had thought that Hijikata had finally snapped under all the pressure of work.

At first he finds it amusing, how someone as serious and infallible as Hijikata could have fallen to something as lowly as an otaku curse. But as they spend more time with each other, the alter-ego Tosshi starts to grate away at his nerves. It just isn't a proper encounter with Hijikata unless they trade barbs or threaten each other with death, where Hijikata calls him "Yorozuya" with utmost contempt and not "Sakata-shi", and Gintoki calls him by any other name he can think of that is not "Hijikata". As unwilling as he is to admit it, he misses the real Hijikata and not this stranger in Hijikata's body.

Not that anyone has to know, even if after the whole fiasco with the Shinsengumi they might wonder why he had gone through so much trouble just to help someone he hates. Gintoki himself doesn't quite know why either, but what he does realise is that maybe he doesn't dislike Hijikata as much as he actually thinks he does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No, I don't know where I'm trying to go with this because this wasn't supposed to have a plot. Updates will be slow as I try to wrangle something out of this.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

It is another day off for Gintoki - an official one this time, not like the days where they don't get jobs and have to starve for the week - and when he steps out of his house, he has this terrible, foreboding feeling that something bad is going to happen today. He stands before the open doorway with a hand on the door and contemplates going back into the safety of his house. In all his years of living, he has learnt that his gut instinct is always right at least ninety-nine percent of the time (not inclusive of the days where he drinks strawberry milk sold at half-price at the supermarket). The temptation to shut himself up at home all day and do nothing but read Jump is strong, especially since home would be a peaceful place today with Shinpachi back at his dojo and Kagura wandering around somewhere in what she calls her territory. His only regret would be that he had already changed into his going-out clothes when he could have stayed in his pyjamas and lounged around all day.

Staying at home today doesn't seem to be too bad of an idea and he takes one last look at the view outside before deciding to head back in. As he gets one foot through the doorway, a hand clamps down on his shoulder and Gintoki already regrets having even left his house. He recognises the death grip on him all too well and he forces himself not to show fear in the face of the rent-chasing demon standing beside him.

"Gintoki," Otose drawls, and Gintoki swears that he feels her nails dig into his skin. "Where is my rent?"

Gintoki gives her his best winning smile. "G-good morning, baa-san. You're looking lovely as usual."

"Don't give me that crap. Where's my rent money? You're three months late again and you don't know how close I am to evicting you and your monster girl and dog."

"Calm down, baa-san. Listen to the goodness in your heart. The goodness that won't allow you to kick a poor, starving single parent and his kids out onto the streets."

Otose's grip tightens and Gintoki feels his bones grate together painfully. "I only have goodness in my heart for people who actually work hard. 'Good morning' my ass. It's already afternoon!"

"Well, the pachinko parlours open late into the night so it doesn't actually matter what time I wake up..."

A second hand grips his other shoulder and Gintoki has just enough instinct to shut up and grit his teeth before Otose lifts him into the air. Not the stairs again, Gintoki panics as Otose turns away from the doorway. However, she doesn't stop at the stairs and continues turning until she is facing the road outside her shop. Gintoki pales in realisation but it is too late as Otose lobs him over the railings and straight into the ground below.

"Get a job, you freeloader!" she roars at him from the second level, and it sounds muffled through the ground that Gintoki has his head in. He hears the sound of his door being slammed shut and the pitter-patter of Otose descending from the stairs before she disappears back into her shop with another decisive slam of the door. Then there is silence and Gintoki deems it safe enough to pull his head out of the ground. There is a noticeable dent left in the ground from where his head had been deeply embedded in it just a moment ago and Gintoki hopes that someone trips on it out of spite as he resolves to get as far away from home as possible.

Like Otose had said, it is sometime in the afternoon but he hasn’t eaten anything, seeing that Kagura had emptied out the fridge before leaving home this morning. His wallet is painfully thin but he thinks that he has just about enough for a meal and then some courtesy of the job they had taken on yesterday. His feet take him to his usual eating place but before he even enters its premises, another terrible, foreboding feeling hits him in the gut.

"It can't be something bad again, can it?" he mutters reassuringly to himself. His hand doesn't seem to agree with him, refusing to budge and open the door before him. "Maybe you're right." he tells it contemplatively, because he has always been sure that his body is smarter than his brain.

"Gintoki," comes an annoyingly familiar voice from behind him and Gintoki resists the urge to put his head through the door. "Why are you talking to the door?"

"Zura." Gintoki deadpans, by way of greeting, and then hisses to his hand, "You were definitely right."

"It's not Zura, it's Katsura." Katsura looks confused, which isn't something new, and glances down at Gintoki's hand. "Yes, that is most definitely your right hand. Why are you talking to it?"

"Uh, you know, it just needs reminding sometimes." Gintoki drifts off lamely, already looking for a way to get away from Katsura. "Forget it."

The furrow between Katsura's brows deepens but, thankfully, he refrains from further commenting on that. "Are you going into Ikumatsu-dono's shop?"

"Are you?" Gintoki throws the question back.

"Of course. It’s lunchtime and I need my soba."

"Then no. Bye, Zura." Gintoki sidesteps around Katsura and heads for the street.

A hand clamps down on his shoulder again, the exact same spot that Otose had attempted to gouge out previously, and Gintoki winces. "Wait, Gintoki. I may need your help with something."

"If it involves bombs and terrorism, I'm out. Actually, if it involves you in general, I'm out." Gintoki informs him, removing his hand from his shoulder.

"Elizabeth is missing."

"Did you check the toilet?"

"Gintoki, I'm serious."

"Yes, that is your character trait."

"She wasn't home this morning when I woke up and she didn't leave a note for me. She always does when she goes out." Agitatedly, Katsura slams both his hands down onto Gintoki's shoulders and Gintoki buckles slightly under the pain. "What do I do, Gintoki?"

Gintoki grits his teeth and peels Katsura's hands off his shoulders one by one. "Well, you can start by having lunch, which seems to be what you had intended to do in the first place."

"I was actually thinking of talking to Ikumatsu-dono about this."

"No, you quite clearly said that you needed your soba a few lines back."

"She is a wonderful listener."

"No, she is just a very busy woman who can't leave her shop unattended to get away from you."

"Thank you for your advice, Gintoki." Katsura looks slightly brighter than before and he raises a hand to slap Gintoki's shoulder in heartfelt thanks. Before it can land on his much abused shoulder again, Gintoki intercepts it with an awkwardly positioned high-five.

"Uh, yeah, my homie. Glad to be of help." Gintoki high-fives Katsura again as the latter looks on quizzingly, and then he hightails it down the street before Katsura can stop him again.

His stomach growls as he power-walks down the road and he blames Katsura wholeheartedly for it. As much as he wanted to stop and eat at Ikumatsu's shop, he just knows that prolonged contact with Katsura would only bring him nothing with trouble, which was something he would rather avoid on his day off. In fact, considering how this day was starting to shape up, he thinks that he should have never left his bed today. If only his gut instinct had the decency to tell him that before he stepped out of his house today.

Irritated, Gintoki turns a corner into a familiar side-street and heads for another one of his regular eating hangouts. Before he enters the shop, he pauses before the door and waits for the same terrible, foreboding feeling to hit him. He is patient, giving it ample time to decide if it wants to appear or not. One could never tell with gut feelings, especially since his gut feeling doesn't seem to be operating in the same time as him today.

Instead, all he gets is a disgruntled growl from his stomach and he takes that as an all-clear to advance.

"Jii-san," Gintoki greets the shop owner as he saunters in. "One bowl of the usual."

The old man raises his hand in acknowledgement and disappears into the kitchen. Despite the odd hour, the place is surprisingly crowded today. The only available seats left are at the counter and Gintoki slides into the one at the corner, absently surveying the other people in the restaurant. If they were here at a time like this, that could only mean that they were skiving off work or that it was a national holiday and nobody had bothered to tell him about it. Not that national holidays affected hardworking people like him who took up work any day of the week (except on day offs). The Yorozuya worked for the good of the people anyway (as long as they got paid).

Across the shop, the door slides open, announcing the arrival of someone new. Gintoki doesn't pay too much mind to it, yawning widely as he waits for his food to arrive.

"Jii-san," the newcomer calls out, "One bowl of the usual."

It is then that the terrible, foreboding feeling finally sucker-punches Gintoki in the gut and he jerks his head up just as someone sits down next to him.

"You!" he shouts into a startled Hijikata's face and then groans loudly, glaring down at his gut. "And you! I even gave you all that time to decide whether you wanted to show up or not. You're defective! Righty is definitely more reliable than you."

"Nobody needs to know that." Hijikata responds, glancing down and giving Gintoki a disgusted look.

"What's that, you bastard? What are you trying to imply, huh?" As with any encounter with Hijikata, Gintoki finds himself grabbing Hijikata's collar less than a minute into meeting each other and feeling an unusually strong urge to punch something, preferably Hijikata's face.

"Who needs to imply anything when you just yelled it out yourself?" Not one to lose, Hijikata grabs Gintoki's collar in retaliation and everything is a second away from evolving into an all-out brawl when the shop owner slams their food orders down before them with a bit more force than necessary.

"Here it is, boys," The shop owner tells them both with pride, "one Uji Gintoki special and one Hijikata special." He doesn't say anything beyond that, but his words take on a threatening tone that shuts the both of them up immediately and compels them to dig into their food with gusto. Satisfied by the silence, the owner retreats back into the kitchen.

"What are you doing here?" Gintoki says as soon as the old man is gone, pointing his chopsticks accusingly at Hijikata. "Finally got kicked out of the Shinsengumi for your mayonnaise-loving ways?"

"Hell no." Hijikata retorts, smacking the offending chopsticks away with his own. "I actually have day offs, unlike someone like you who's perpetually jobless."

"Hey! I'll have you know that I am an outstanding member of society with many contributions to my name." Gintoki considers retaliating but his stomach reminds him about the vacuum in it where food should be and he backs down, returning his chopsticks to his bowl. "It just happens to be my day off too."

Hijikata stops eating just as Gintoki pauses in the act of resuming his attack on his azuki beans and rice and it is clear from the expression of dawning horror on his face that he remembers what had happened the last time the stars had aligned and their day offs had coincided. Gintoki remembers too, and it is an experience he would rather not go through again.

On a normal day, a good day, he wouldn't be so inclined to believe that things like that could happen twice. But on a day like today, where he has already had two foul encounters and his gut instinct is being decidedly unhelpful, Gintoki thinks that he should play it safe.

"So," Gintoki throws out cautiously in the strange, horrified lull between them. "Hijikata-kun. What are your plans for a fine day like today?"

"Why do I have to tell someone like you?"

"So that I can steer clear of the places you'll be at. Like hell I'll get stuck with you for the entire day again."

Hijikata scowls and Gintoki tries to figure out if that's just him reverting back to his default expression or if he's actually considering telling him his plans for the day. Despite running into him all over Edo, Gintoki hasn't actually spent enough time around Hijikata to be able to tell apart one disgruntled expression from another.

"Fair enough." Hijikata grudgingly agrees. "I don't want to see any more of your face today than I already have either. Stay the hell away from the cinema."

That's one place down. He was really looking forward to watching that newly released sequel to My Neighbour Pedoro but he supposed that sacrifices were needed to ensure the peace of his day off. "Fine. I was going to the pachinko parlour anyway."

Hijikata scoffs. "Figures."

"I resent whatever was just implied again."

"Yeah, yeah." Hijikata waves his chopsticks at him and digs them back into his disgusting mayonnaise concoction.

The spirit of argument between them strangely dispersed, Gintoki returns his attention back to his food. Not wanting to remain in Hijikata's presence for much longer, he shoves his azuki and rice into his mouth as quickly as possible, channelling Kagura as he chews his way through them all and swallows. He sets his bowl back down on the counter and there is an echo from beside him as Hijikata does the same. Their eyes meet for a split second and it sets off a competition to see who can get to the door before the other, which only ends in tragedy as the both of them get stuck in the exit.

"I'm heading that way." Hijikata tells Gintoki as soon as they free themselves from the exit, jerking his chin towards the right. He opens his mouth, like he is about to say something else or tack on a remark that would spark another fight, and then shuts it. Without waiting for a response, he walks away from Gintoki.

There is the familiar click of a cigarette being lit up and Gintoki finds himself left with a lingering trace of cigarette smoke before Hijikata disappears from sight.

Strangely enough, he doesn't see Hijikata at all for the rest of the day. He supposes that this is a good thing, a sure sign that his luck is returning, although something just doesn't sit right with him. But at the end of the day when he consults his gut instinct about it, it gives him nothing.


End file.
